Day Note

Death, where we know we will reach in the end since we're born

I would do still concentrate on my routine if today is my last day; having a cup of coffee with almond milk in the morning -probably with my favorite muffin or pastry would be awesome-, taking photos on my ways, sharing them on my social media, chatting with regular customers at work, studying, reading lyrics, messaging with family, writing my last diary and some letters to my friends… Each routine is tedious but the only day we will never have again.

There was a day of 2012 in my note written about a tedious day: I have been barely moving my steps. The wet view is blur and shaky. The night is as dark as my depression, and I keep thinking over and over the scene that white thin coat hanger passes my heavy dropped head and turn round and round chocking my breaths. ‘you’d better have piercing on your nose!’ One mental disorder addict woman approaches up to me. ‘well, I don’t need because I will die soon.’ She is surprised and asks why, but she is shaking her head immediately. ‘no.. I have tried several times, but I am alive still. Maybe God didn’t like me. I guess he won’t accept you as well. Don’t die. Look at the people there, there, there. It’s fun. They are happy and look cool. They might be our brothers and sisters.’ One my tedious day filled with outsider's warm words, from outside of me to the inner side.


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